


go be with your god

by deadspoets



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: CharDee - Freeform, F/M, M/M, MacDennis - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 19:29:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12065517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadspoets/pseuds/deadspoets
Summary: it's hard to win when you're competing with god





	go be with your god

**Author's Note:**

> a macdennis "au"  
> takes place before s12 but after s8 ish

“-and Chase Utley has had a great season this year.”

Dennis focuses back in on what Mac has been rambling about for the last half hour. It doesn’t take much for Dennis to space out and get lost in his thoughts, especially if it’s as mundane as a topic as baseball. But Dennis sits and waits for Mac to get all his feelings out, he knows it makes him look like a good friend. He’ll throw a “yeah” or “totally” in every now and again but between that Dennis retreats back into his real thoughts about Mac. While he may be unfocused on the direct topic Mac is talking about, just sitting there with him is his favorite thing to do. In between their crazy schemes of chickens, steak, and airline miles, Dennis loves spending regular time with his best friend, the only person he thinks he’s ever truly loved. And there’s that thought again. That he might really-

“-Dennis? Do you want to go to the game on Sunday?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, totally.”

And Mac’s whole body lights up with Dennis’ confirmation. Dennis’ hearts beats just a tad faster at the sight of Mac’s smile. 

***

Before the game on Sunday, Mac tells Dennis he has to go to mass before they leave. 

“Don’t want to go to the goddamn church, Mac.”

“But I have to go, to repent for my sins.”

“Jesus Christ, what sins Mac?.”

“First, don’t say the Lord’s name in vain, and second, God forgives all impure thoughts and feelings.”

“Those thoughts are normal, you have to let them go man. Can we just go to the game?”

But Mac justs turns around and quickly hops out of the bar, shouting that he’ll be back in 20 minutes. Dennis is pissed that Mac always goes back to the church. Every time he does it feels like Mac is choosing religion over him. It’s like God will always be more important to Mac than Dennis is. Plus, Catholicism outwardly condemns homosexuality and male relationships and Dennis is afraid that Mac will never act on his obvious feelings for men. Or for him. Dennis knows at this point that Mac must experience some type of feelings for Dennis, what with all the almost kisses, the deep looks, the jealousy. Dennis often daydreams about what he’d do instead of pulling away all those times, if he just let his feelings show. He’d kiss Mac back, take him in his arms, tell him he loves him over and over and over again. And every time Dennis gathers the courage to finally do something, Mac leaves for church. Again. 

***

The next Sunday, the whole scene plays out again. Dennis begging Mac to stay, Mac leaving anyway. And the next Sunday, and the next Sunday, and the next. Finally one day, after a weekend of Charlie and Frank’s more irritating pranks, Dennis can contain his rage no longer. That’s the thing about Dennis, he tries to repress all the anger he feels towards all the lesser beings who annoy him everyday, but some days it all boils to the surface and he must let it out. 

“I’m off to see Father Cullen.” Mac pats Dennis on the back before reaching the bar door.

“God isn’t real, Mac. And you’re stupid for believing in him.” Dennis goes right for the kill shot.

Mac, almost comically, does a 180 and stares at Dennis, “What the fuck did you just say?”

“I said, you’RE STUPID MAC!” Dennis raises the volume of his voice.

“YOU’RE THE STUPID ONE, DENNIS. FUCK YOU! GOD IS REAL AND HE WILL SMITE YOU.” 

“FINE! GO BE WITH YOUR GOD. SEE IF I CARE.” Dennis yells at Mac’s back as it leaves.

The slam of the bar’s door reverberates into Dennis and he can feel his anger reach it’s peak. It’s crescendos blind Dennis and without a moment’s hesitation Dennis flings his glass at the place Mac had just been. The release feels euphoric as Dennis reaches for Mac’s mug. Several crashes come in succession of one another as Dennis throws glass after glass at the door. It’s loud and destructive and makes Dennis feel pure and primal. Five minutes later as Dennis stops and looks down at the mess he’s made, hands bleeding from the collateral damage of throwing pure glass, his high turns into a low and Dennis drops to his knees. Since no one else is there to bear witness, Dennis allows himself a single tear. However, try as he must to be in complete control of his emotions, the one tear becomes many and Dennis breaks down.

When Mac comes back to the bar, he finds Dennis in a pile on the floor surrounded by all the glass of the bar. 

“Dennis, oh my god, what happened, what did you do?” 

But all Dennis can do is cry silent tears. Mac has only found Dennis like this once before, a long time ago, when Dennis’ mom died. In fact, that one time was what Mac had been holding on to, proof that Dennis did in fact have feelings. That and when Frank tricked Dennis and Dee into unearthing their mother’s corpse. When he found him in a similar state the first time, the only thing he remembered helping was cradling Dennis in his arms. He does so and the faintest of sighs escapes from Dennis. So they sit like that, together, on the floor of Paddy’s Pub. 

“Mac.” Dennis whispers.

“Yeah, buddy?”

“Mac, I-I wanted to say..” The word struggles to leave his throat, the vulnerability almost too much, making Dennis feel like he might throw up, “..sorry.”

Mac’s whole demeanor changes, he’s no longer pretending to be macho, to be badass. The church is forgotten. Mac reaches to hold Dennis’ hand but Dennis flinches at the warm gesture and impulsively yanks it back.

“I’m sorry I get so angry at you all the time and yell. I’m sorry that sometimes you don’t know if I’m mad at you, or if I’m ignoring you. I do those things because I have these ridiculously high expectations for everyone and I know it’s impossible for anyone to fulfill these fantasies I’ve made in my mind. It’s not fair to you. I expect Frank to be a better father than he capable of and that makes me angry. And I expect Dee to be a good sister and twin, for her to know everything I’m thinking without me having to say it. I expect Charlie to not be so goddamn stupid. And look, I know logically you guys can’t meet expectations you don’t know are there but when you don’t it hurts me the most because-because.” 

Dennis can’t bare to make eye contact with Mac and in his lap Dennis is shreading his fingernails to stubs. 

“It’s because I’m in l-. I'm in lo-.” 

But the words won't come out. Dennis’ fears of intimacy and abandonment overwhelm him. In his mind Dennis tells Mac how in love with him he is. That if he believed in soulmates, Mac would be his. He wants to tell Mac “I love you” over and over again. But nothing comes out and Dennis breaks his own heart. 

“I'm sorry I can't say it. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sor-” 

A pair of warm lips stops the last confession from leaving Dennis. They’re Mac’s lips and they’re wet, and tough, and everything Dennis thought they would be. With that one action Dennis feels every piece of his facade break until it crumbles completely. His hands instinctively reach up to hold Mac’s face.

“It's okay Dennis. I love you.”

He can taste his own tears on Mac's lips, salty and bitter. Mac kisses him hard and fast like he's been waiting to do this for ten years. Dennis knows he himself has. They're both moving so fast, they have so many years to catch up on. Shirts come off, and Mac has Dennis pinned to the bar.

"We should go into the back office." Dennis breathes heavily.

Mac nods as he's kissing Dennis' neck. They fumble into the room, pushing in the door with their combined weight. They slam into the wall, the desk, the chair. All Dennis can think is “finally, finally, finally” every time Mac’s lips meet his. He’s wanted this longer than he’s known, maybe since the first day they became friends. 

“Why did it take us so long to do this?” Mac asks the question Dennis was thinking.

“I don’t know, but I never want to stop.”

**Author's Note:**

> lol this is my first fic in a really long time!!! was it horrible? who cares we all die anyways,, good 2 know this is what my english major contributes towards :') anyway luv u all


End file.
